There was once a girl who used to blog. She blogged during her journey with pnd and found it to be a great release, a form of therapy, but soon got to the point of being all consumed by it. Consumed to the point that it eventually started to leave a bitter taste in her mouth. She was exhausted with trying to keep on top of it all, of trying to fit in. She was frustrated by the popularity games and feeling like she wasn’t good enough. She was trying to emulate what others were doing in her own way, only to find that the fit wasn’t quite right. She was overwhelmed by the pressure she put on herself to dance to the beat that everyone else was dancing to*. She needed to start dancing to the beat that God was playing for her, needed time to be still, so she intentionally pulled away from all forms of social media to reassess the direction in which she was headed, to follow His lead.
Time away from social media not only gave her a respite from all the unnecessary, unwanted online ‘noise’, it enabled her to once again see what really mattered and gave her many a heart moment. Moments in which she was able to regroup, to refocus. Moments in which she invested more in to living, in to nurturing relationships. Moments in which she slowly began to find herself. Moments in which the healing of life’s struggles began to take place.
She wasn’t ever sure she would return to blogging but there was a tugging at her heartstrings, that try as she might, she just couldn’t ignore. That tug started as a gentle fluttering but soon grew in intensity, an intensity that spilled out onto pages and soon had her itching to share. She hadn’t openly talked about her relationship with God on her blog, about the faith that was being sewn to her heart, I think deep down she was scared of turning people off, of rejection (foolish, I know), but during those quiet heart moments she became convicted to step out. To live authentically!
That girl, well, she’s me.
I’m back to reclaim my little corner of the world wide web**. I’m breaking free of the preconceived notions I had about blogging and changing gears in a sense. I’ll still share some of what I used to but will also go to a deeper level at times, when I feel the urging to. It’s a new season friend, my heart has been renewed and my heart I shall follow. Welcome to my journey.
xx tammi
* Romans 12:2
** God changed names in the bible to establish a new identity, I’m taking His lead. There is not a more authentic name for my blog than my own.
Its a brave thing you are doing lovely. And if only you could see yourself the way we all do - you are amazing. And I am so glad you are blogging again - the world needs some of what you have!
ReplyDeleteAnd, more importantly, you'll be able to look back on your faith journey here too, and see God's hand at work in ways you couldn't have even imagined.
Love you, friend!
xx